I'm Dying

Well that's a little extreme but you know what i mean.

As a bloke you understand that when we get a cold it actually is not a cold but the flu. Generally known as Manflu, it is much worse than the strain the ladies get -generally known as the sniffles. I know you ladies get a bit exasperated by it all but believe me, it is worse than what you get. Scientifically proved, Manflu is much worse due to the fact that our flu attacks the muscles as well as the sinus. AS you ladies don't have so many muscles, the cold you get only attacks the fatty tissue of the body, and you have much more fat than us.

Anyway, i haven't just got Manflu but i have got Birdflu as well. Even worse than just plain old Manflu, Birdflu has the added complication of actually killing people. All because people in Norfolk sleep with their animals. Yes! In the biblical meaning of the sense. Dirty fuckers.

Now, i haven't slept with a turkey or a woman from Suffolk (much the same thing, really) so i reckon i caught the Birdflu from a Robin in my back garden. He turns up every day to eat my nuts. (No not gonads -proper peanutty type nuts) with a piece of straw in his mouth and a funny accented twirp. Putting 2&2 together, i reckon he's from Suffolk.

If this is correct, i reckon i've just invented a new strain of flu. ManBirdflu. Why? Because, not only having the symptoms on Manflu, i have taken to pecking off the tops of milk bottles and posing for Christmas card photographs. Truely a sign?

Before i die, i'm going to try flying south for the winter. If you see me, wish me a happy birthday; i'm 48 to day.