Whatever.

Ok, so i visit Bex's blog and seems i have two challenges.

1) Must do the tag she tagged me with

2) Must start a tag.

Like Bex, i'm not a lover of these pain in the arse, stupid tags but as she is a Fuller, and prone to sticking pins in things, i thought it easier to join in than have a spell put on me or something. (not that she ie a witch or anything, but... ah, good, someone took the shovel off me.)

And doing this stops me having to carry on with my life story. So.

The current tag was: Find a book -I didn't think Janet&John or Spot the dog would suffice. Largly due to the fact that they are only 10 pages long. Name the book and Author. Ok.

Turn to page 123 (now you see why the two i mentioned wwere not useable)

go to the 5th Sentence and copy the next 3 sentences.

What the fuck? Pointless but here goes.

Please take note: I am in my office. I work here. I do not read anything other than workstuff and the internet here. (ok, i lied but Largeones doesn't go to 123 pages either and is mostly pictures)

Book: Building and land management law for students, 3rd Edition by Anne Galbraith & Michael Stockdale.

page 123: 5th Sentence and beyond: One of the major difficulties when dealing with breach of contract is trying to establish exactly which breaches have the effect of discharging. Where such a major breach can be indentified, the injured party may nonetheless want to go ahead with the contract, and simply ignore the breach, or more likely, seek compensation for it. All breaches of contract, however large or small, give the injured party the right to sue for damages.

Well, that begs the question. (this is me now, not the book talking) can i have the right to sue? And will Sue be willing for me to claim her under my rights as the injured party? Which bits of me are injured, i hear you say! Well, the hearing isn't too good, my knees click, i have a broken neck and i have an itch only i can reach without breaking some sex-crime law.

I will be composing my own tag shortly so look out Bex, my sweetness, it will not be one for the faint hearted.

In the meantime. Here is an old picture of me (c.1992) in a band, in a pub in Worcester. AS i remember -a fucking good gig and a good night followed.

Delbut. (Who he?)

Again i am being an intellectual pariah and pinched ideas off Pete Townshend.

He will be posting some of his keenly awaited autobiography here (although he could change his mind again and not bother.) And needless to say, I've pinched his idea.

The first part of his book will be 1945 -1969, which is an odd way to express, quarter to eight to nearly 10 past eight but that's how a genius's mind works, i guess.

So, what did i do between those times. Well, due to there being fucking rubbish on the t.v., i run a bath at 17:45 and was sitting in it by 17:55. Then, i lay back and shut my eyes, which took me to 18:06 because then, my daughter knocked on the door and said: " Dad, how long will you be?" For the love of sweet Jesus can a man have NO time to himself? So. At 18:08 i grabbed the soap. Two minutes later, i reached for the loofah and...

What i did between 18:08 and 18:27 with the loofah, a sachet of shampoo and rubber glove will the topic of chapter two.

What fucking snow?? A Rant.

For all my non-British friends, we had snow last week. When i say snow it was about enough to sprinkle on a hand full of Bex's hand-made cards. She does make some great stuff by the way. If you haven't seen them check it out.

Anyway, back to the snow. Granted, we had about 4 inches in my part of the world and the kids went off with their trays to toboggan down hills rather than going to school. Me? Dull fucker Delbut was about 300 miles away in north Wales and missed it. I drove back the next day and it had all gone. Twat it, said I.
Anywho, it started again on Friday and the school sent the kids home again. By the time they got home it had melted and Delbut missed out on skiing again. Fuck it, said I.

Apart from me not getting to act like a kid, i had to suffer the BBC going on as if aliens had landed. Have they not seen snow before? Do we need updates every half-an-hour to show that the snow had gone from being 2 inches deep to 2.1 inches deep?

Listen BBC: tell me when someone has been brutally murdered; tell me when some poor soul has suffered due to there being no beds in our hospitals; yes, tell me if my taxes are going up again, but please give me the benefit of the doubt over my intelligence that i can work out for myself how deep my snow is and see that it will be gone by tea time.


Rule of thumb of you, BBC.

Unless the snow is at least a foot deep, it needs to be filed under: not worth mentioning, and stick it in the "not to be mentioned ever again" drawer - together with these topics: The Beckhams, anything to do with Rugby, Celeb's shinanigans, Royalty and Rolling Stones' tours.

If it is a foot or more deep, then just report the facts. We don't need you to hire a helicopter to fly over fields to show us pictures of snow. We can see it.

I'm Dying

Well that's a little extreme but you know what i mean.

As a bloke you understand that when we get a cold it actually is not a cold but the flu. Generally known as Manflu, it is much worse than the strain the ladies get -generally known as the sniffles. I know you ladies get a bit exasperated by it all but believe me, it is worse than what you get. Scientifically proved, Manflu is much worse due to the fact that our flu attacks the muscles as well as the sinus. AS you ladies don't have so many muscles, the cold you get only attacks the fatty tissue of the body, and you have much more fat than us.

Anyway, i haven't just got Manflu but i have got Birdflu as well. Even worse than just plain old Manflu, Birdflu has the added complication of actually killing people. All because people in Norfolk sleep with their animals. Yes! In the biblical meaning of the sense. Dirty fuckers.

Now, i haven't slept with a turkey or a woman from Suffolk (much the same thing, really) so i reckon i caught the Birdflu from a Robin in my back garden. He turns up every day to eat my nuts. (No not gonads -proper peanutty type nuts) with a piece of straw in his mouth and a funny accented twirp. Putting 2&2 together, i reckon he's from Suffolk.

If this is correct, i reckon i've just invented a new strain of flu. ManBirdflu. Why? Because, not only having the symptoms on Manflu, i have taken to pecking off the tops of milk bottles and posing for Christmas card photographs. Truely a sign?

Before i die, i'm going to try flying south for the winter. If you see me, wish me a happy birthday; i'm 48 to day.