Went to London last weekend. To see The Who, again! This post is not about how fucking brilliant they were; or about the twat who saw fit to create havoc in the crowd by picking on anyone smaller than him or had breasts. News for you dickbrain: you are probably the ugliest, stupidest, numb-nuts that came out of Scotland. And there have been a few.
I digress.
The day before the concert, wifey and I booked into a hotel in poshest Hamstead. To cut a long story short, we arranged to have dinner in the hotel. ( they offered £2 off for guests. not that i'm cheap, or anything)
anyway, it advertised that there would be a choice for starters, which included soup. Nope, no soup that i could find. No problem.
This is where it gets better. The hotel was full of Germans and Dutch tourists - I guess they were tourists. Could have been a circus troupe, i suppose? Who cares - so i guess we were lucky to get a table without having to remove towels from the seats. ( if you have ever been on holiday with Germans, you know what i'm on about.)
Some Germans, thinking they would get what looked like the last of the soup, rushed to the buffet table and helped themselves to ladels full of the stuff.
I started to giggle. I KNEW it wasn't soup. How did i know that? Because 2 minutes earlier i had poured the "soup" all over my beef dinner. IT WAS GRAVY, HANS, NOT SOUP YOU WANKER
Went out to the bar and had a fag -that's a ciggarette, not an uphill gardener - and went to take a piss -(Not in the bar, but in the toilet). There i was, holding what i have in my right hand, trying to piss as high as i could. (we do that) The door opens; i hear voices. One male, one female. Foreign. Dutch. In walks the bloke. I turn slightly; he looks at me and heads for the nearest stall to take a crap. Another body is to my left. It comes in, falters for a second when SHE sees me there. I nod; she comes in. OK, thought i, that's cool. She inhabits the crapper next to the one the bloke is in. They talk -in Dutch - through the stall walls. She is giggling; he is having a crap.
PLOP.
HIM: blah, blah, PLOP
HER: blah, blah, hee, hee
HIM: Nrggh. PLOP.
HER: blah, blah.
ME: Cant a man have a piss in peace?
ME: wee, wee, zip, wash hands. Return to bar.
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14 comments:
That is... extremely odd.
I've spent some time trying to work out more to say about it, but that really does sum it up from pretty much every angle, Delbut.
I was just happy to hear you washed your hands!!
Did anyone every tell you, you have a way with words? Yes, I thought so!
So, was The Who any good?
oh thanks for sharing that!
goofball!!!
:)
(very scary stuff!)
xx
Are you taking the piss out of us?
So the Who were brilliant and you're posting about toilets? Rachel will never forgive you.
Del is an endless enigma...
Del ace read
I love toilet talk .........
Bex
Delbut,
Cheers for that, didn't help that I was eating at the time - lol.
Great result. It was nice to see whingey Wenger's face like thunder. 2 wins in a row now - blimely I'll start getting use to it soon.
Sometimes, when I am hungry, I just open a can of gravy and pop it in the microwave.
mmmmmm no better comfort food around...
and so lo - cal to boot!
yummy.
delicious
nutritious
gravy.
(first one was grammatically incorrect. Can't have that. no sir).
Hi Del,
That's a little too much details and information about a restroom! We don't really need to know what shit sounds like!
I don't think I'm going to be able to have gravy without thinking about this story!
I would much rather hear the details about the Who concert.
BTW, why do Germans sit on towels? Do I really want to know?
So my question is this:
1. Did you at least wash your hands when finished?
2. Did you get lucky that night from being turned on with the immigration in the Loo?
You crack me up! Keep em' comming!
xxxx-Mols
I was impressed too with the handwashing.. very good of you.
How did the dinner go in the end??
did you get dessert?? hehe ;-)
miss you much!
xoxo
My word verification says it all:
Coming to Delbut's blog
"isfxr". It is a fixer man!
I haven't laughed so hard for days.
Need to go to the toilet too now, after that. Hopefully with no Dutch in the next cubicle. That will be weird, I'm home.
xoxoxo
M
Gee I can't wait for your NEXT post Del!
How can you ever top THIS ONE???
LOL
!
Del Del Del
I think you're swell...
Um that's all I can think of for tonight.
I'll have to consult Pete for further inspiration...hee hee hee.
xx
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