Lazy Bastard

My cat, Spiffey has become such a lazy pussy, that she expects me to push her around on this thing. The skateboard, usually used as prosthetic for my disability of one leg shorter than the other two, has been snatched off me by her and the rest of the "gang". The "gang" consists of two, like-minded moggies -both of whom are reaching pensionable age - a badger, a chicken and a ferret called Dunbar.

I know for a fact that the only reason that the chicken is in the gang is for foodstuff. They are feeding her up and getting her fit so at a later date they will pounce. Those guys are heartless.

Anyway, once the prey has been identified -usually little cute field mice or a mole or two - Spiffey expects me to push her around the garden chasing after them. It's ok down hill but at my age, the uphill pushing (ooer) is a bit of a struggle.

I have spent time designing an engine to put on the back from Baked Bean tins, a small fan and a vibrator i found in the local park but the cat can't afford the petrol to run it and someone left me a note saying they needed the vibrator back. (It was unsigned but it looks like my mum's writing.)

I am now designing a cradle to put around Tommy-the-dog's neck so he can pull her. It will make a nice change to see the cat's nose in the dog's arse, for a change.

Anyway, have to go because she just walked in and is rubbing against my leg. That's normally a sign she wants feeding. Why my wife just cant ask like a normal person, i don't know.