Wales in the Thames?? eh,eh.

You may have heard about Wales in the Thames.

The canny Welsh people managed to pass this off as a stray Whale in the Thames. Tom Jones, sometime crooner and sometime Welsh activist, dressed up in a rubber suit in order to get the press hoodwinked into thinking that a large mammal had found its way up the river.

While he was doing this, Shirley Bassey managed to beach her self alongside the embankment in readiness to invade the English capital. The Paddington area of London has long been a stronghold of the displaced Taffy. MI6 have been monitoring the movements of the Paddington dwellers, which made it hard for them to spread the word outside this district. The M4 –Wales’ own foreign security force – hatched the plan to invade from without, rather than within, with great success. Not since we beat the English football team 4-1 in 1980 has the word Wales been on everyone’s lips so often.

So what of the future?

Now Shirley has infiltrated large parts of Twickenham and Richmond, and Tom has been released from the custody of London Zoo aquarium, the further invasion will start in earnest in February. Disguised as the Welsh rugby squad, a crack team of Welsh fusiliers will storm Twickenham stadium - backed up by foraging agents wearing daffodils and large leeks pretending to be rugby supporters on a piss-up – and kidnap Ken Livingstone, Mayor of London.

The demands?

• More Caerphilly cheese on the shelves of Fortnum & Mason


• A stop on us having to pay a toll on the Severn crossing to get back in to Wales


• Laws passed to make it illegal for English men to say: “There’s lovely” –when stereotyping the Welsh accent –and sounding like a Pakistani in doing so.


• They must find room for the city of Newport somewhere east of London so it’s further away from us here in Wales –we don’t want them anymore.


• £120 in unmarked fivers.