There I was trundling along the outside lane of the M4 just outside Bristol when the car in front broke down. I stopped and waited to get in the middle lane when all of a sudden, two loaves of bread went past. I kid you not. A blue loaf of bread and a red loaf of bread doing about 60 mph.
Like any other normal person would at 8:30 in the morning, I put it down to tiredness and old age and made a mental note to revisit the optician.
Lo and behold, when my lane got moving again, I passed them; only this time the red one was in front.
The "loaves of bread" were in fact VW camper-style vans done up complete with idiotic looking people driving them.
So I checked -as you do -their web site. Look what I found. If nothing else, I can now postpone the trip to the head doctor. Turns out you can win a chance to drive one. Yeah, right. I'd rather stick a banjo up my arse - round end first.
Oh, before I forget. You tossers out there who work for the Highways department. It took me 4 fucking hours to get to west London yesterday instead of the normal 2 1/2 .
This is because you idiots have collected the most cones you can find and arbitrarily put them along the hard shoulder for as many miles as you can, thus slowing the traffic down to a crawl along most of the 150 mile stretch. And why? So you can carry out work to put up driver information boards, which will tell us there are delays due to slow-moving traffic! How Englishly ironic is that?
When the work is done, we can now be happy in the knowledge that we are not moving anywhere because it will be written on a board the size of Kent. I have news for you: WE ALREADY KNOW WE ARE NOT MOVING -Arse Wipes. If you have our interests at heart, put a movie on the fucking things and turn the M4 into a drive-in movie carpark; I could have watched the Lord of The Ring trilogy the time I spent in the carpark yesterday.
P.S.
If you do turn it into a drive-in, can we have some large-breasted women offering snacks at frequent intervals, please?
14 comments:
You crack me up!! I was starting to wonder what the hell you were talking about until I saw the pic! YEAH I would go mental too!
About the cones...ours are orange and right before the Olympics came there was major construction all over Salt Lake City and we had this joke "Welcome to Utah" stated inside a construction sign...well sadly nothing has changed much...still construction. I so need to move to the country! LOL
X-Molly
LOL! So funny! You know what is funny to me, is that in the middle of reading your post I thought of those vans! Wow, I am trying to get the picture of a banjo up your ass out of my mind now! Oh whenever I see those cones, I pretend that I am a stunt driver, sound like you should try it:)
Take Care!
F'ing funny!!!!!!!!!!
Hey,
Heres the best site ever. I get to figure out all of Petes work. Tou can print Quadrophenia from front to back, it gives you chords where capos go fingering. Its amazing. Even has his funny stuff Lazy fat people etc.
http://www.thewho.net/whotabs/index.html
That is funny! and I live in a town in Pennsylvania where at least half our budget goes to moving cones and not doing roadwork
Came by to see if you had a new blog...will check back when you do LOL
Heehehee, great story. Also an example of how things that at first may seem unnatural and unexplainable in most cases have a perfectly natural explanation. :)
Once again, you made my day. Love the drive in idea. But you must include the boys in speedos serving drinks for the women. ;^)
Ali
Well that post made my day...
And I thought the roads in Athens were the worst, ROFL!!!
The only difference is, that like the loud people we are, we honk all the time we're stuck in traffic and some hot-blooded drivers will get out of their cars and start up fights with each other!
And also there are the clever ones who will overcome the traffic by going to the opposite lane...
The famous greek word "Malaka" comes to mind.
Have a lovely Christmas, Delbut, and a fab New Year with lots of Who activities!!!!
xoxoxo
M
Heh, and the only reason crap like this is bearable is you can tell yourself " This is going to make a good story on my blog" lol.:)
I hate driving these days. It's exactly for the kinds of reasons you outline. They should be putting money in proper places, instead of wasting it on things like this that are a complete waste of time and furthermore
complicate things! Oooh it gets me!
I have to remind myself of the humour in things like this. :)
xoxolisa
Still hilarious.
Ali
Great pictures Delbut!Haha!The
highways are all f*cked up like
that all over the States as well.
I think there's a f*cking conspiracy going on!! There always
is isn't there?
I dropped on by to say Happy
WHOLIDAYS to you and the family!
Hey where's a new post. It's Christmas and you made me laugh,I enjoyed your post and it's true that our roadwork people are inept. Do you want a cat? We have a stray that's fixed and all that but already have 2, so this is the odd kitty out. Thanks forn the enjoyment, I'll check back soon. Rich- Merry Christmas
Doesn't matter. When your ready again lay it out. I like meeting people from Britian, love to visit sometime.
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