Haha, my special flock of bloggers. I have escaped the hell hole. Many thanks to you all for your words of wisdom & encouragment; your food parcels; your sectret notes smuggled in and your magic props left under trees for my speedy escape. Non of them fucking worked, but thanks all the same. try harder next time, ay?
Now i am back in civilian life i have to have plenty of health check-ups to make sure it's only my mind that is diseased.
My first visit was to the optician. My eyesight has gone a bit fuzzy over the last couple of weeks so a full eye test was in order. Now i know i've been away for a while but i don't remember an eye test included checking for blisters on the palm of your hand. Apparantly, tis true that masturbation makes you go blind. By this time next week - the rate i'm going - i will need glasses like Roy Orbison, a white stick, a Labrador and i will have to glue bits of nose snot to my keyboard so i know which key is which. Currently, i'm thinking of going with a: one snot for q, up to 26 pieces of snot for the m key. I think i'll just guess where the numbers are. They are not so important.
Next week it's to the dentist for a cavity filling exercise (ooer) and the extraction of the microfilm pictures i took in the communal shower. Should keep ebay busy for a while.
I really need to go see the doctor, too but am a bit embarrassed (can never spell that word). Perhaps you all can help: Should my knob really be green?
Although the experience was harrowing, i have not lost Faith. Aw, sister Faith, i miss her already.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
18 comments:
Careful there while flexing your...um...well anyway just saying you will get something in your eye if you are not careful LOL.
XX-Mols
Del,
Better green than other colours! (What did you do, over-water it?)
Hilarious post, my friend. Welcome back to the real world.
green knob?...well, when you dont use it, it tends to go green and rust..the cure..a brisk polish with wire wool and brasso...
Thanks for the giggles Padre, I needed that!
You know, the other day I went to the store and bought cream but forgot to buy coffee...so the next morning I could actually sing, "no coffee for my cream..."
Ah to be exquisetly bored in California...
Does this blindness pertain to women as well? Because I now need freakin BIFOCALS man. I can't see who's coming or going. :)
Was that you I saw in the third pew
from the altar?!
Really Del, you should be more discreet.
way to go on the jailbreak! sorry the dynamite smuggled in the cake didn't help.
karaoke in the ming fellows 7 oclock sharp tomorrow night..ill get you some gum shields..just dont sing like a bungy jumping crab!...
Delbut - I'm ashamed to say I haven't visited for a while, but I have now caught up with your news and am delighted you've escaped.
Now then. If you cast your mind back, you may recall I advised you to wear soft knickers under your habit and even offered to source some for you (I'm like that).
Reading about the plight of your poor appendage though, are you SURE it was sunflowers you used to fashion your makeshift alternative to my soft jersey? Nettles can be nasty, and applied to the genital region will often give the impression of a history of sustained personal manipulation. I am simply not willing to believe that you would for a moment contemplate abusing the temple that is your body.
Not when Sister Faith was there to do it for you.
Welcome back.
M x
Sue, I was recommended for bifocals in my late 30s!!!! Unfortunately, it was the computer and not automolove that caused the deterioration- I don't know which is sadder. :)
Del, I was going to make a bad joke about your being lucky it was green and not black, and then I remembered that a black knob is actually quite a nice thing and... never mind. :)
Live from the gutter,
AM
Whew, Del, you're sprung!! Sorry about the missing broom.
~Lace~
Delbut,
quite funny, although my girl was born blind (don't worry, I'm game and not offended so i'm not here to bitch!) but hmm.. my new friend IS legally blind makes me wonder about him now... will be checking his palms. Also, little secret.. i have glasses but they are for night driving.. honestly, i'm 35 and it's quite normal to have a pair, right? Hey we all have to get by somehow, and maybe it was that masturbat-athon that really kicked in the blindness, but hey it was for a good cause right!
xox
i can teach you Braille, don't need boogies... One thing I'm fluent in other than English!
Delbut you are a Wonder!!
keep me up on the chats for ITA if ya can.... thanks love.
Lucy
Delbut, you need help spelling embarassed?
em bare assed...
::A note arrives by carrier pidgeon equipped with GPS navigation system to wherever Delbut has managed to escape to. It reads::
My Darling Delbut,
I am lying here in my cell with nothing but my thoughts and this piece of straw you pulled from the broom that failed you. What kind of *farewell gift* is this? You couldn't leave me a wildflower picked from the meadow? Or that cilice you slid up my thigh that day before you slipped away. Away.
Oh! How could you do this to me? Leave me alone in this wretched place located next door to that luxury hotel of a monastery (compared to this cloister) you have escaped from. You know your headmaster was a prince compared to Mother Superior. You know how I loved watching you hoe your row in the late afternoon sun. There is someone else, isn't there? Isn't there? She's probably someone famous, someone like, like a world class ballerina, isn't she? Isn't she???
::Clings to the piece of straw and sobs softly into his hairshirt:::
Signed,
FAITHfully yours forever,
Uhm, Delbut, don't look now but I *think* that guy from Fatal Attraction counts his blessings compared to what's going to follow you around from here to *eternity*.
I'd keep your pup Tommy under a watchful eye, and that bunny in your backyard? Doesn't stand a chance bud.
~the alarmist Lace~
Shut up Lace. Do you think I haven't searched Del's tunic, girdle, and scapular for every scrap of evidence about his life? I know your friends with that hussy Del dreams of. I'd wipe that ubiquitous smile off your silly face but you've gone back to hiding behind that stupid flower. You should be ashamed, wantonly using God's creation for such duplicity.
In Christ,
~FAITHfully out for you~
::Runs:::
LOL Lace I think your alter ego has been found out (DOH!!!!!)
get me out of this hell hole!!!
Dale,
http://www.odan.org/media_opus_dei_stake_pope.htm
A cilice is a barbed wire like spiked chain members of Opus Dei wear around their thigh for corporal mortification. In other words.. OUCH.
Molly, Sister Faith isn't me! I was just deliving a message from her to you!!!!!!!!
~Lace~
Post a Comment