Thursday, March 16, 2006
Can i have the scissors when you're finished? I want to slit my throat
Went to Wotton Bassett, Wiltshire, today. I did my business by 13:30 and, as you do, went to get my hair cut.
I had to wait for 20 minutes and listen to inane gossip between the teenage “stylist” and her equally spotty, track suited, teenage victim:
“He didn’t, did he?”
“He did. And then wiped it on the on table clothe.”
“Never –no way?”
“Way”
Seeking refuge in a glossy gossip magazine –which took precisely 30 seconds cover to cover- my turn arrived.
I sit in the seat in front of a very large, very harsh mirror.
“What do you want?”
I was tempted to ask for a loaf of bread and a pound of grapes, but considered it would go straight over her, bleach-blonde head. I settled for: “Hair cut.”, which went the way I thought the bread and grape comment would.
After several instructions she seemed to get the idea that as long as my hair was shorter on the way out than it was on the way in I would be well happy.
10 minutes’ of deafening silence, except for the click-click of scissors and her sniffing, later ( I decided not to push the idea of talking about: the weather, holidays, work etc.) she snipped her way to a half-decent job.
The obligatory offering-up of the mirror to the back of the head followed and confirmed that, beyond my wishful thinking; my bald patch had not miraculously “healed” itself.
Little did I know that the most humiliating part of the experience was to come, I got up and went to the desk to pay her.
“How much do I owe you?” (And don’t bother adding a tip)
“ Are you retired?”
“WHAT!!!???”
“You get a discount if you are: retired, pregnant or in the armed forces.”
Internally, my voice said: “Which side of your face wants slapping?”
In reality I said: “I’m not retired yet but my SAS death grip will finish you in flash. Do I get a discount for that?”
Guess what? Yup. Went straight over her bleach-blonde, spotty, uneducated neck plug.
Retired?! I know the lord has given me a few wrinkles but they are laughter lines, not an age thing. Honest.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
Del,
You've given me a few extra laugh lines with the SAS death grip reply. She sounds about as thick as my hair.
-AM
That nervy bitch! They would have had to surgically remove my foot from her ass. Do I need to come over there?
xx
Ali
Nothing better than a relaxing haircut. I actually moved in with the girl that cut my hair just to avoid that type of scenario. Hope your doing well, saw Rachel read your post the other day. Keep in touch!
Hi there Del,
What an arsehole this girl. But then, I suppose she was too thick to know how to treat customers.
Thanks so much for stopping by & its so nice to meet you btw.
I have to tell you, I love your post. I had to laugh about some of the things you had said. I m just sorry you had someone that dumb cutting your hair. That is pretty scarey!! So in my eyes your a very brave soul!! I do hope you didnt tip her, after being so rude to you when you were about to pay.
Take care sweetheart!! Love always, MM XOXO
Delbut
You're sense of humour hits me straight between my blonde eyebrows!
I love your slightly curved view of things, yet at the same time, you tell it like it is!
Thanks for keeping me smiling &, yes, even laughing now & then.
Dale
BTW I cut my family's hair...
Having read this... I understand your sense of humor over on Rachel's blog..
Hi Del
That type of hairdresser we call an 'Anita'.
They usually end up combining with a 'Johnny'. You recognise the latter by gold chains and a mat of hair covering the neck.
So next time you hear about Anitas and Johnnies, you'll know.
Love
Koos
OOH!!! Was she wearing specs??
I know how you feel though - I went to the eye doc here yesterday, because I had 2 episodes of seeing flashing lightning bolts...and I was thinking...brain tumor maybe? (Actually it could be a detached retina).
The doc said everything was fine, it's just a sign of old age.
Old age???? I'm 43!!!!!
:(
I hate stupidity.... I remember working for Deep Purple(Merchandising) and a family came up and if you can picture a display of 20 black tee shirts all different styles..the top shows the front the bottom the back. 1st question.."I would like the black tee shirt" answer: "Uhm....thier all black" Ohh 2 question "Ill take the black tee shirt on the bottom.......this went on from the family of 5 incliuding parents for 30 minutes until I stood up and said "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE THE STUPIDEST FAMILY ON THE PLANET, ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME??" Then the father looked at me and said "Do you have any tee shirts in white?
Post a Comment